Teaching Self Calming Skills

Children experience big emotions, but they don’t always have the tools to manage them. Teaching self calming skills helps kids regulate their feelings, build resilience, and navigate frustration, anxiety or anger in a healthy way.

With practice, these strategies can empower children to handle challenges with greater confidence and self-control.

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1. Model Calm Behavior

Children learn by watching the adults around them.

When you stay calm during stressful moments, you show them how to regulate emotions.

Narrate your process: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I respond.”

Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Road Map for Parenting Even the Most Challenging KidsCool, Calm & Connected: A Workbook for Parents and Children to Co-regulate, Manage Big Emotions & Build Stronger BondsThe Explosive ChildCalm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting

 

This simple step teaches emotional awareness and self-regulation.

2. Teach Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is a powerful tool to reduce stress and regain control.

Teach kids simple breathing exercises like:

• Balloon Breaths: Inhale deeply through the nose as if inflating a balloon, then exhale slowly.
• Star Breathing: Trace a star with your finger, breathing in on the upward strokes and out on the downward strokes.
• 4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale for four counts, hold for seven, and exhale for eight to slow the nervous system.

3. Create a Calm-Down Space

A designated calming area gives kids a safe place to regulate emotions.

Fill it with comforting items like pillows, stuffed animals, books, or sensory tools.

Encourage them to use this space when they feel overwhelmed.

4. Use Movement to Release Energy

Physical activity helps children release tension and reset their emotions.

The Joy of Movement: Lesson Plans and Large-Motor Activities for PreschoolersThe OT’s Activity Book: Worksheets created by a pediatric occupational therapist for fine motor, visual motor, and visual perceptual development303 Kid-Approved Exercises and Active GamesGross Motor Fun, Grades PK – 2

 

Jumping, stretching, yoga or even a quick dance break can shift their mood and provide sensory input to help them feel grounded.

5. Encourage Mindfulness and Sensory Strategies

Mindfulness activities teach kids to focus on the present moment. Try:

• 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding: Name five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell and one you taste.
• Tactile Play: Using stress balls, playdough, or a weighted blanket provides calming sensory input.
• Visualization: Guide them through imagining a peaceful place, like a beach or a cozy room, to reduce stress.

6. Teach Emotional Labeling

Helping kids name their emotions reduces frustration.

Use emotion charts, books, or phrases like, “It looks like you’re feeling sad.

Do you want to talk about it?”

The Color Monster: A Story About EmotionsIn My Heart: A Book of FeelingsMe and My Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Understanding and Expressing ThemselvesThe Big Feelings Book for Children: Mindfulness Moments to Manage Anger, Excitement, Anxiety, and Sadness

 

Naming emotions builds self-awareness and improves communication.

7. Practice Problem-Solving Skills

Once emotions are regulated, guide children in problem-solving.

Ask questions like, “What could we do differently next time?” or, “How can we fix this problem together?”

This helps them develop coping strategies and learn from challenges.

8. Be Patient and Consistent

Self-calming takes practice.

Offer encouragement and reinforce positive efforts.

With time, children will build the skills needed to manage their emotions and respond to challenges with greater confidence.

By teaching self-calming strategies, we give kids valuable tools to navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience, self-awareness, and emotional control.

Recommended Reading

• 3 Steps to Stay Calm When Your Child Isn’t
• Calming Sensory Bottle
• 26 Calming Strategies for the Classroom
• How To Calm Down Your Child’s Big Feelings
• How to Stay Calm During a Toddler Meltdown

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